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The term “sandwich generation”- the population of adults who are raising their children and caring for their aging parents simultaneously- is not built on a new concept. Since the beginning of time, grown-ups have been juggling their jobs and their families, often to the absolute limits of what they can physically and emotionally handle. The prevalence of the sandwich format specifically, has increased in recent years because of the sociological trend of people waiting longer to have children and that biologically, the human life span is increasing. Today’s parents are more likely to be managing this balancing act than any other period in history. In fact, The Pew Research Center estimates about a quarter of all adults in the US are currently sandwiching.

Stretching the day so far, accommodating multiple people, bouncing a zillion balls in the air…has physical and mental consequences. Experts often emphasize the importance of self-care, but in reality, such recommendations can feel vague or even self-indulgent. This month’s newsletter is a practical guide for taking care of yourself while managing multiple priorities. These are three prescriptive approaches to easing the load and making space for your needs so that you can continue serving those around you.

PLANNING AND ORGANIZING YOUR WORKLOAD

When it comes to handling a hectic life, “self-care” is a frequent and wise recommendation. For many of us, however, the prospect of blocking time to focus resources on ourselves can seem equally overwhelming as everything else on our plates. You can care for yourself even if you aren’t able to take time off work or visit a spa. “Self-care” can sometimes be taking a morning to review your workload and map out a plan to best accomplish it over the next day, week, or month.

Here are some tips for planning and organizing your workload:

1. Brain dump. Pull out your notebook or a piece of paper and write it all down. Everything. The emails you need to answer, questions for others, deadlines, worries, upcoming meetings, hanging threads on projects. Use notations, scribbles- whatever makes this process go fast.
2. Determine the big picture. Look at what you have on the page. Is it more of one type of task than another? (For example, answering emails.) Or do most of the to-do’s deal with one particular project? The answer to this question will help you decide how you need to spend the next couple of hours.
3. Put a name to what you’re doing. “Managing correspondence.” “Focused project work.” “Budget planning.” Clear the time on your calendar and call it what it is. Let people know: “I can’t get coffee because I’m working on expenses until noon.” When you give it a name it helps your brain deal with it intentionally and others will be more likely to respect your unavailability for the allotted time. In other words, they’ll know they have to wait.
4. When you’ve finished this work, get yourself a treat, take 15 minutes to work on a crossword puzzle, take a quick walk or even send yourself a bouquet of flowers! The time you set aside to do this task in spite of everything deserves a moment of recognition and rest.

DELEGATE

Delegating, in general, is a tremendous skill that doesn’t come easily to many of us. Think about that earlier brain dump… can any of those tasks be passed off to a colleague? These opportunities aren’t only work-related. Here are some other areas where you can crowd-source help:

• Children’s sports practices-Which family could you invite to join a carpool?
• Dinner-Can your partner handle the meal tonight? What can the children make on their own?
• Your parents’ doctor appointments-Can they go alone and voice record the appointment so you hear what the doctor says without having to physically be there? Can another caregiver step in?

When delegating, be clear about your need and desired outcome, but do your best not to micromanage. Once the task has been passed on, walk away. You can still be a resource to the person helping you but need to trust them to handle the task. Don’t forget to show them gratitude afterwards!

PRIORITIZE SLEEP

Make sleep your mountain to die on! If you’re consistent with the time you go to bed and the time you wake up- even on the weekends- your family will be conditioned to know that they can’t ask you for anything after that time. Your friends won’t be surprised when you don’t burn the midnight oil at social gatherings. Activities like sleep, reading, and meditation offer valuable opportunities to unwind and rejuvenate. Get off your devices an hour before sleep, avoid food for at least three hours ahead of sleep, and consider light stretching to release tension from your body at the end of the day. Consider an evening tai chi routine or even a sleep machine to deepen the relaxation.

Life for the “sandwich generation’ can be overwhelming and filled with exhaustion. Setting your intentions to planning your workload, delegating where possible, and prioritizing sleep are three straightforward opportunities to focus on yourself so that you have the bandwidth to continue helping others. You’re doing a great job… don’t forget to take care of yourself! 

Remember you can’t pour from an empty pitcher.