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As a leader, you’re probably someone who wants to be really supportive and see your people succeed. You’d like to see them perform at a high level, take on new and interesting projects, overcome challenges, etc. What a great intention!

 

I’m going to guess you see yourself as a real integral part of that success. So, what does this end up looking like?

 

Usually, it means that a well-intentioned leader ends up jumping in to fix the problem the moment they sense a pause or issue cropping up along their employee’s path. Which is so genuinely nice of them.

 

Nice leaders are ADDICTED to being helpful.

 

But the practical effect of this is that the leader cuts off the employee’s opportunity to actually THINK on their own or to actually TRY SOMETHING.

 

People have become leaders usually because they were great at their job as sole contributors. They did the “thing” really well and they got promoted because of it. So they can solve problems really well and work really efficiently. Those qualities are great as an employee, but once you become a leader, these skills should honestly be the LAST ones you use in your role.

 

YOU don’t need to learn these skills anymore—your PEOPLE DO.

 

If you want to really spur growth in your employees, the skill you need to cultivate is holding BACK all of that great efficiency and problem-solving skills you have in service of your people.

 

POWERFUL leaders are rigorously, intentionally UNHELPFUL.

 

Want to become a powerful leader?  Here are some tips to help:

 

1. Quit thinking for them.Quit solving for them.  When an employee comes seeking an answer to a question, start by saying: 

 

“Happy to help, but first: tell me, what do you think the answer is?”

 

(You might hear back “I don’t know” and all this means is they haven’t had a chance to think about it yet. All you say back is “That’s okay. Try something. Take your best guess.”)  Most of the time they have an idea—they just aren’t 100% SURE. Sometimes you have to really slow it down and allow them to try before jumping in to “help.”  In moments like this, I don’t really care if they know the exact right answer. I want to find out how MUCH they know and HOW they’re thinking through it. It’s in the safe struggle that people build their proverbial muscles.

 

2. Let them get it WRONG!Encourage them to SWING! Let them fail SAFELY!  Often, they don’t fail at all. They prove to themselves that they know more than they think they do. They build confidence.  There’s so much more available to them in the process of TRYING than there is in just getting the answer. 

 

3. Break your helpfulness addiction. Recognizing that you have this need to be helpful (or simply to be liked sometimes) and the corresponding tendency to jump in and fix problems is the first step toward becoming a more impactful leader.Here’s how you can work on breaking this addiction: 

 

• Self-Awareness:Begin by observing your own behavior. Whenever you notice yourself about to take over a task or give an answer--take note. Did they really get stuck? Was it "just quicker" for you to do it?  Keeping a log of these instances over a few days at work will help to understand the patterns and triggers that prompt your helpfulness.

 

• Set Boundaries:Define clear boundaries for YOURSELF for when and how you will engage in problem-solving. This is an internal process--not one you'll share with them. Creating a policy for yourself will give you guidance on when it's okay to intervene and when you lovingly hold back in service of their growth. This can help you resist the urge to step in prematurely.

 

• Ask Guiding Questions:Focus on asking way more than telling in your guidance. Use open-ended questions that prompt deeper, broader thinking to help them connect the dots rather than providing answers. For example:
  • “What are the potential solutions you’ve considered?”
  • “How might you approach this problem differently?”
  • “What resources or information do you need to move forward?”

 

Using these strategies not only encourages the natural growth of your direct reports, but also drives a fundamental shift in your effectiveness as a leader, moving you from a simple problem-solver to a facilitator of their success. The end result? A more capable, confident, and self-reliant team that thrives under your leadership.

You have the power in you to be the most impactful leader your employees ever experience—start by being unhelpful.