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0 Communication with Confidence: Status Reports
Communication with Confidence: Status Reports When working on a long-term project or initiative, the best way to ensure buy-in and alignment from your manager and other key stakeholders is simple: a status update. Having the diligence to initiate regular, hi-level reviews of a piece of your workload not only keeps project components on track but gives those involved the confidence that you’re in control. Regular status reports do more than keep people informed. They can be personal motivators. Let’s say you decide to update the team every other Friday. Maybe you had a busy week tending to other responsibilities and needed to push this project to the back burner. If, however, you know Friday status updates are near, you’ll probably make sure to tackle even a small task in the project plan to avoid coming up empty. Another benefit of a status report is that keeping your manager in the loop gives them insight into the amount of work you’re doing and its broader impact. When managers have a firm grasp of what’s on your plate, they’re better equipped to provide the support you need and less likely to overwhelm you with too many other distractions. Creating your own status update template When developing your status update template, aim to follow a consistent format and share it at regular intervals – ideally on the same day each time. There should be a clear sense of predictability in both what you share and when you share it. A consistent formal also makes it easier to track and compare progress over time. An effective status update should apply the following principles: Break down complex information into manageable bites. Focus on activities rather than individuals and maintain objectivity. (For example: “The team missed the deadline by two days.” Instead of a personal conclusion, “The team missed the deadline because they were disorganized.”) Provide consistent structure with straight-forward wording. Remain objective; avoids personal conclusions or subjective opinions Use multiple sources to confirm pertinent details and reliability. Incorporate tables, bullet points or color-coding if needed to increase readability. Determine your distribution channel, such as a spreadsheet, email, interoffice messaging, and stick to it for consistency. Asking for feedback The most fundamental purpose of a status report is to stand back and review a project in its entirety on a regular basis to note progress and flag issues. In evaluating the health of a project, there could be metrics outside of your own peripheral. Make sure to include a section, column, or wrap up note that highlights any potential problems and ask for input. If you already know of an obstacle, point it out and make suggestions for solving it. Either way, make sure to invite those who are reviewing your status report to let you know of any potential roadblocks or what they think you need to solidify a favorable outcome. If sending it to a larger group, you might also consider asking your manager in a side text or email whether the status update format you’re using is helpful and if you can do anything to improve readability. Ask them if they think you are handling the deadline well, meeting the project objectives, and supporting the team effectively. Tailoring check-ins for hands-off v. heavily involved managers If your status report is meant only for your supervisor, you can tailor the format and narrative style to match their communication preferences. Let’s say, for example, your manager is hands-off and doesn’t ask for information until you come to them, they might prefer a simple high-level update. Tell them whether tasks are on track, what could be falling behind, call out anything that’s overdue, share possible solutions to overcoming the issues you’ve spelled out. Here is an example: Task Due date “On track” or “At Risk” Notes Developing marketing brochure 5/1/25 On track The printer has our initial design and will be sending samples to review next week. On the other hand, managers who prefer to be more deeply involved might also be checking in with others on the project team. With that in mind, consider adding personal narrative to your email headnote. Don’t overwhelm with details because being too wordy can come off as defensive or like you don’t sincerely have a handle on things. Try something like this: “Here is a link to the status update sheet. Overall, things are going great! I did add a note about the budget because I’m worried we could need more money closer to the deadline. Can give you a call if you want to talk more!” Archiving critical milestones for future interviews or performance reviews No matter the outcome of the project, your ability to keep everyone looped in, stay accountable for deadlines and expectations, and creatively approach problem-solving says much of your leadership capacity. Try to keep your status reports organized in a folder that is easy to access at the end of the project. They could come in handy when you are meeting with your manager for a performance appraisal or preparing for an interview for a promotion. When your manager asks about your accomplishments over the past year, instead of sitting at your desk in a fervent state of memory block, use the status reports to tell that story. When keeping managers and other key stakeholders regularly updated, you’re teeing them up to help you succeed. Not to mention, knowing that you’ve committed to providing regular updates on a project helps keep you on track and productive, ensuring you have something to report. A well-formatted status update that covers all angles to a project honors your manager’s communication style and instills confidence that the project is on track.
0 Mastering Email Communication with Confidence
Effective communication isn’t just about delivering a message—it’s about building relationships, crafting persuasive emails, and navigating challenges with confidence. When it comes to email, self-awareness not only enhances your ability to communicate clearly but also boosts your confidence, making it easier to engage with peers, managers, and key stakeholders. Communicate your Way to Success The truth is much of our professional achievement is determined by how well we express ourselves to colleagues and business partners. While the DISC identifies personal motivators and triggers, it also maps out practical direction for remaining steadfastly convincing and competent even when relating to someone who seems like our complete opposite. We are able tell almost immediately when a colleague’s communication style is different from our own. The DISC model helps us determine the precise attributes and preferences of each style, even in cases where they are blended. Consider this: a person who likes to get to the point might find chatter and long windedness in an email to be frustrating. On the other hand, if breaking the ice and getting to know people puts them at ease, a short, direct email might be jarring. You can use DISC to provide clear instructions for how to respond to different preferences and ensure recipients hear your message as valuable and important. It’s a bit of a dance - you need to communicate with people in a way that won’t turn them off while maintaining your authenticity and honoring your own inclinations. Notice Other Styles I have three forgetful teenagers who are constantly begging my husband and I to bring them to school: computer chargers, lunches, homework. They know exactly how we each prefer for them to communicate with us and can predict how we might respond. Any variance from their expectations can sound their alarms. For example, I’m a writer--if my response is too succinct (e.g. “sure”,), it might catch them off guard and they will immediately demand. “WHY ARE YOU SO MAD AT ME?!" My husband, however, can simply give a thumbs up and no one bats an eye. They have learned to navigate our different DISC styles, adapting their own to garner a favorable response. My husband might be unmoved by a wordy desperate plea, but they are smart enough to know if they take the time to write a thoughtful, funny note, with an explanation of what they want and an “XO” at the end… I’ll cave. Identifying Communication Styles in Writing Like teenagers trying to get what they want, we quickly pick up on the styles of our peers and key collaborators-- even if it takes us a while to fully understand them. A manager who sends correspondence that is brief and unpunctuated isn’t necessarily upset about the progress on the project, they are simply looking to get to the bottom line quickly. Even if you are the chattiest or most detail-oriented person in the world, it would be most efficient for you to return their serve by getting to the point. Meaning, put the most pertinent details first. Avoid long-winded sentences and explanations which will, in this case, probably sound defensive or maybe even look like you don’t have great control of the project. Similarly, when speaking to someone who prefers deeper context, don’t gloss over their need to hear details because you aren’t a detail-oriented communicator. Before writing that project update, anticipate what they might ask as follow-up questions and have them ready in the first go-round. Writing a DISC-based Email Here are some tips for writing emails tailored to different-to-different DISC communication styles: D- Most important information at the top, straightforward language, highlights the bottom line and potential outcomes, ask for their advice. I-Write a friendly narrative, include a story or example that illustrates your point, include bullet pointed list of potential outcomes, include names of others who are involved. S- Map out the message by sharing all sides and offering context for each but choose a layout that guides them on how to digest the material. You could use boldface titles for each new idea and add space between paragraphs. Thank them for taking time to think about it and allowing them the time they need. Be sincere- avoid splashy language or exclamation points. C- Make sure to explain all sides of the issue and tell them what you find will carry the least amount of risk. Do not over-promise but be sure to tell them what could go wrong. Don’t Forget to Nurture your Own Style Too Here’s where the dance I mentioned earlier comes in: Even as you focus on business and use strategy to drive outcomes, you must stay true to yourself. Being authentically you is a powerful communication tool too. If you are a high I, lead an email to a high D with the pertinent details up front, but close in a way that feels natural to you- like a funny story or a warm salutation.
0 Crafting Compelling Narratives: The Art of Storytelling
Lately there’s been a push in the workplace to lessen reliance on the standard presentation format and instead use storytelling to share information, emphasize a mission, or even reinforce a brand. Storytelling is a skill commonly used in the interviewing process, may not initially seem like as natural a fit in a work environment. The truth is, though, audiences often relate better to a compelling narrative, which can lead to great buy-in once they see the supporting data. An article in Forbes magazine urged that “hiding behind facts” is a way we avoid the risk of letting people know what we think or even admitting that we might see a problem. They said, “Story elevates data by helping to build meaning and purpose to what you’re presenting. When you share a story about how the data was collected or evolved over time, you bring your audience on a journey with you.” Finding your voice Think about the way you talk to your friends. Are you funny? Sensitive? Observant? Pull your casual communication style through in your stories- whether telling them in front of a group or writing them in an email. Be clear about intention and purpose and avoid emotion. You might decide to develop the people in your story like characters in a book (the manager- who had been stressed for weeks about the progress on this project, walked into the meeting with a huge smile on her face, and I knew that finally she was pleased.”) Don’t shy away from the problems Pointing out the problem sets everyone up to get to the bottom of it more quickly, but from a story-telling perspective it also demonstrates your credibility. George Saunders, beloved American short story author, once advised creative writers: “If you try to deny the problem and write in spite of the problem in a story you’re writing, it is not going to be very good.” Of course, writing an email about a work issue isn’t at all the same as developing a plot with characters and a climax, but don’t shy away from the problem. Use it to draw in the audience, perhaps as a call to action. In fact, relaying a problem efficiently should stimulate creative thinking in the audience. Don’t cramp their thinking by crowding language with your own predictions and biases. You can say: This is what’s wrong. Here is an example of how things would go if there was nothing wrong. Explain why this matters. Add any supporting material. Offer possible solutions and invite the audience to add them. A sample might look like this: We realized the networking event is now completely full and a lot of people are writing asking if they can still get into it. This demand is a good thing because it’s a testament to how popular the event was last year. We had 30 people then and now have that plus 15 on the waiting list! Is it possible for us to open an online option? Use your voice, but keep it open-minded Mary Karr, American poet, essayist, and best-selling memoirist said, “Voice isn’t just a manner of speaking. The writer who’s lived a fairly unexamined life - someone who has a hard time reconsidering a conflict from another point of view - may not excel at fashioning a voice because her defensiveness stands between her and what she has to say.” When telling a story that is meant to captivate your audience and make them feel like they have a little skin in the game, it is critical to think of their perspective- even if you don’t agree. To get them to give a little, it helps if you do too. Consider these two examples: Example 1 The date you proposed won’t work for us. We need it done a month earlier or the entire timeline is off. We’ll miss the whole project deadline if you aren’t able to finish sooner. Example 2 I’m comparing the date you shared to our timeline and am worried that we’re too far apart. Would you mind looking once more? I tried to think of ways to consolidate on our end, but I’m worried that we don’t have the manpower to finish early. This is far out of my own wheelhouse and I’m reliant on another team to help, but they know they can’t start until October. Do you think we could adjust based on that piece? Let me know what you’re thinking. In Example 1, the speaker can’t seem to think beyond their own need for a finished product. In contrast, Example 2 honors the possibility that this deadline is hard for the other party too. They provide context for why it’s difficult to shift things on their end, even admitting their own limitations. After sharing this background, they ask if the recipient might reconsider their initial estimate, now that they have a better understanding of the situation. Listening as an approach to narrative In the mid-90s there was a Nickelodeon show for preschoolers called “Blues Clues.” The show starred a blue, animated hound and a 20-something human narrator in a colorful rugby shirt named “Steve.” Young viewers would wait for Blue to drop clues and try to guess from home what she planned to do for the day. Steve, meanwhile, would ask the audience to help him solve these tiny mysteries- even though of course he couldn’t hear their answers. Steve, now in his early 50s, balding, and bespectacled, occasionally posts on his social media using that same strategy to ask open-ended questions such as “How are you doing?” It’s astounding- adults, perhaps former fans of the show- will fill the comment section with extremely personal, reflective responses letting him know they are worried about a health issue or struggling financially. Steve, again unable to hear them, looks deeply into the camera and nods, allowing a long time for them to speak. Sometimes he adjusts his glasses or wipes his brow, nodding again- encouraging them to go on. Recently a young man posted a video, tears streaming down his face and said, “The guy from Blues Clues just asked on Instagram how everyone is doing, and I don’t know… it just made me miss my dad.” Giving people space to speak is one of the most generous ways to tell a story. When you are sharing a narrative, invite your audience in by giving them a chance to tell you what they think, if they would do anything differently. Coax them on, “I’m especially interested to hear your thoughts” or “You have so much experience here, I’m looking forward to hearing your advice.”
0 Mentoring Across Differences
When people seek to relate or connect with one another, they often strive to find common ground—something they share that provides a sense of recognition and affirmation. They seek the familiar, the comfortable. But focusing on similarities alone can have a downside, especially in mentoring relationships where the focus isn’t on the familiar and comfortable but on stretching and growth. That is one reason that The Training Connection matching process—which is consistently named by program participants as a key program strength—seeks to connect partners who, while they share some commonalities, also have significant differences. Whether it is a differing DISC style or career field, or perhaps differences in demographic, educational level, or values, the mentoring process benefits from connecting partners who are not mirror images of each other. Regardless of how similar or different mentoring pairs are, each partner brings to the program and their mentoring relationships different life experiences that shape the way they see the world, the other people in it, and themselves. Making the most of those differences comes down to a few key principles that can help mentors and mentorees bridge their gaps and leverage their differences to develop even more effective, productive mentoring relationships. Recognize your own assumptions. Every single one of us has been shaped by our life experiences—gender, culture background, generation, education, geography, and any number of other influences. And every single one of us has developed assumptions along the way. Assumptions are thoughts that we believe are true without any supporting evidence. In fact, because they present themselves as self-evident truths, you may not even realize that you are making assumptions! Though assumptions are common and often harmless, recognizing and overcoming them is an important step in being able to engage fully and effectively with someone who has distinctly different experiences and, therefore, assumptions. Think critically about your viewpoints—does this belief make sense? Do you have any proof that it is true? Are there other, different ways to look at the situation? How might your past experiences shape the way you see things? While you may not always be able to do away with your assumptions, simply recognizing that you—and everyone around you—have them can help make you more receptive to others’ points of view. Ask questions. Empathy is not always human nature, but curiosity is! And while it may or may not come naturally, considering what it’s like to walk in someone else’s shoes is a skill we can develop simply by tapping into our human inquisitiveness. Be curious about what your mentoring partner brings with them into the relationship—ask questions about their background, personal and professional experiences, and perspectives. No two people see life through the same lens, and no one person has the “correct” perspective. Mentoring recognizes that each person will have a fundamentally different viewpoint and experience and leverages those unique vantages to help expand horizons and introduce new ways of thinking—or at least an awareness of such. Taking the time to ask your partner questions can help you understand what informs their worldview and how they perceive their day-to-day life. Address and appreciate your differences. One perk of the formal mentoring program is that it encourages participants to not only reflect on their perspectives but also to share them. Mentoring activities provide a unique opportunity and setting in which to discuss sensitive and difficult topics that are part of everyday life but are rarely discussed. Take advantage of the safe, candid environment to openly acknowledge and discuss differences with your partner and examine how they might help you learn from each other. Mentoring partnerships should actively seek to identify how differences influence perspective, motivations, worldview, and learn how to recognize those differences in terms of diversity and inclusion rather than separation and division. Learning to connect with someone different from ourselves helps us develop a higher tolerance for unfamiliar perspectives that we don’t understand or agree with. It helps us learn to consider without judgment, and to connect without needing confirmation. This kind of growth can only take place in a trusting relationship were each partner feels free to be their authentic self and speak openly.
0 Polishing Your Writing Style
One of the most important outputs of your capacity for critical thinking and planning is your written communication such as team emails, project reports and various project updates. This month, we’ve organized a study of the nuances of effective communication through writing. Write with strength and without defensiveness Directness without defensiveness is a powerful way to convey intelligence and authenticity. Recently, my children missed a couple days of school for a weekend family trip. My son fell behind in two assignments and, as a result, his math grade sunk. One morning at breakfast he hastily composed a desperate email, begging the teacher for a second chance. Looking over his shoulder, I read: Dear Mrs. Murray, I looked on the gradebook and I think that I might have two incomplete assignments because I went on a trip last weekend with my family. I stopped him. “Too wordy! It’s too much work to understand what you need.” So, he rewrote: I have two incomplete assignments because I went on a family trip last weekend. Better, as far as wordiness. But something about his tone was off-putting, almost as if he was saying, my teacher created this problem, because of an obligation that couldn’t be helped. He polished the message further. I need to complete two missing assignments. I’m sorry I was away with my family on a trip. Can I finish them in class or bring them to you on Wednesday? His final message was effective for three reasons: He got to the point. 2. He took responsibility. 3. He offered solutions. Mrs. Murry wrote back immediately, gave him time to wrap up the work, and restored his A. Be interesting, vary your sentences Another path to effective writing is to adding variety to sentence structure. You might, for example, adjust the length of each sentence, alternating between simple and involved phrasing. Which of the following examples is the most engaging, example A or B? Example A: Our team meeting is today. The project is starting soon. We need to provide the budget. Our manager wants to see it. The project starts next month. Example B: Our team is meeting today about our upcoming project. Our manager would like to see the budget beforehand so I’m hoping you can help us gather the numbers for her. She would appreciate it. The first example drones on like a slow, monotone drum beat without much warmth or intrigue. The second is far more vivid, connecting multiple ideas in a single sentence and drawing conclusions. Here are a few more tricks for adding variety to your writing: Alternate your sentence starters, mixing things up between pronouns (She, They, We…) and adverbs (Surprisingly, Usually, Sometimes….). Choose one sentence- because it’s important not to overuse this technique- to include hyphens and an interrupting statement (see the example in this very sentence?) Consider transitional phrasing to connect what might have been two separate sentences (We plan to meet today, even though we haven’t finished the project yet.) Provide concrete examples Providing examples lends credibility to your writing and demonstrates your competence in observation and critical thinking. It is especially important to give your reader adequate context when presenting a problem. Consider the difference between the following narratives: Example A: The project is meeting expectations on several different metrics. Let’s plan a team huddle to talk about the next steps. Example B: The project is meeting expectations on the following metrics: 1. We are still on target to meet our completion goal. 2. The budget is on target. 3. We have planned and received approval for the next phase. Are you available next Wednesday at 10 for a team huddle? The first example not only lacks any insight to the project status, but the receiver would also have no idea what to expect or how to plan for the “team huddle.” Conversely, a manager reading the second example would feel looped into the project parameters and could easily roll this information up to their own supervisors or team leads. Organize the words to be visually appealing It is difficult for most readers to follow several paragraphs of densely packed text with no visual break. Use bullets, boldface, italics, and tabs to emphasize important points and list like pieces of information. You can see that, even in this newsletter, simple spacing and formatting adjustments make it easier for you to digest the main ideas. Give it a minute You might feel like you don’t have the time, but the truth is you can almost always wait a few minutes before sending your email. Ten minutes is a great rule but honestly, you can catch a lot of errors and omissions if you take another glance after three minutes.
0 Navigating Challenging Conversations
Some conversations are downright terrifying. Even if you are a confident person with competent communication skills, trying to fulfill a need without being able to predict the outcome (“Will she say yes?” “Is he going to be upset?”) can be overwhelming. When returning from maternity leave after the birth of my first child, I was fraught with worry over letting my boss know that I’d need to take the 4:50pm train out of the city every day to relieve the babysitter on time. When I tried to find the words, all I could see is how this new schedule made me less. It was a busy Manhattan office where few had children and many routinely worked well past traditional business hours. I agonized over the timing, the verbiage, the perfect rationale. The more I tried to get the request just right, the more I spun circles, moving from anxiousness to avoidance. Eventually, I couldn’t spend another second trying to perfect this question that I had convinced myself would mark the end of my career. There was a job, a newborn, a train, and a babysitter. No amount of handwringing was going to change those variables. And, as it turns out, my supervisor was great. She just wanted to know if it was okay for her to get in touch with me after 5:00 pm if something came up. Capitalize on the moment A lot of us are currently on the edge of transition. Many have summer vacations in the pipeline and we’re beginning our re-entry after many months of working and schooling from home. There might be something you are looking to ask your supervisor but don’t know how to get started. Perhaps you want to work remotely more often, take time off for a trip, or ask to be considered for a new position with more responsibility. We’ve spent over a year accomplishing our work completely differently than ever before which leaves us with a strong position for any changes we want to make. If you are seeking more authority or responsibility, articulate the way you’ve navigated the recent obstacles. If you are hoping to expand your remote working routine, quantify the output you managed this year from your home office. Be respectful and persuasive. Take the conversation into your hands In the TED Talk series “How to Be a Better Human” series, Daryl Chen says that sometimes we avoid difficult conversations because, even if something hasn’t been going our way for a while, we’re worried we might make things worse. He urges us to “move toward- not away” from the conflict. Be informed but stay humble. When asking for something, ask the other person about their experiences. Keep quiet, especially in the beginning. Once you address the question (for example, transitioning to a new project?) be quiet for a few minutes. Give the other person a chance to talk. Try to see things from their perspective. Why might there be hesitation on their part? What other issues could they have going on in that moment? If you sense things aren’t going your way, try to slow the dialogue by paraphrasing the other person’s points. Taking time to show that you are listening and thinking critically demonstrates your genuineness. A recent Harvard Business Review article described how asking questions can also be a persuasive tool. It requires humility to give the other speaker space to elaborate on a position that contradicts your own. They said, “When you listen deeply and sincerely, others feel less of a need to resist you in order to be heard.” Prepare and research No matter what the nature of your conversation, take the time to prepare and practice: Understand your organizational landscape as it relates to your request. What are the trends? Do you know anyone in your situation? Can you ask them about their experience? Explain how this change could help you do your job better. What are the benefits to the organization? How would it make you more productive? Is it a good business decision? If so, what is the return on investment? Write a workplan. How might you adjust your day to absorb this change? What would each day look like in the coming weeks? How will you take charge of this? Explain how you will prove your success. How will you demonstrate a positive outcome? How will you stand out? Articulate- for yourself- why this matters If you’re still having a hard time getting started, jot down three reasons why this is important to you. Project how your situation might be different in a few months- or even after a year- if things work out the way you want. Why is this worth the conversation?
0 Polishing Your Writing Style
Effective communication is a major topic in mentoring. Success at everything we do- giving and receiving feedback, wielding political savvy, networking, seeking career advancement- comes down to our ability to thoughtfully say what we mean. Over the past year, many of us have polished our online presence and dug deep into our toolboxes to work productively in a virtual world. In this month’s newsletter we are going step back from technology and address good-old fashioned writing fundamentals. Don’t worry the rules have relaxed Admittedly, texting and social media posting have forever altered the writing craft. Some of the hard-nosed grammatical rules we learned in school have been lifted, for example: it’s okay to start a new sentence with a conjunction (“But let me know if you can’t access the server.”) if it adds gracefulness to your message. You can end a sentence on a preposition (“Which session were you in?”) if it makes the sentence clearer. Even capitalization can be optional depending on the medium. The north star for correspondence in the modern world is clarity. In other words, your emails need not sound Shakespearean for the sake of proper grammar. Please do not misunderstand relaxing the rules for rushing your process. Be a careful writer and an even more careful editor of your own work. The final chapter of Strunk and White’s prized writing guide, The Elements of Style, urges: “Write in a way that comes easily and naturally to you, using words and phrases that come readily to hand. But do not assume that because you have acted naturally, your product is without flaw.” Be concise: fewer words make a bigger impact Say what you mean and say it quickly. Be polite and conversational but try not to couch your point in too many niceties because the meaning could be lost. Consider these two passages: Example A: “I hope you are well! Let me start by saying how grateful I am for the opportunity to work on this project. I have really enjoyed getting to know everyone and the very challenging work and hope to continue working with this team for a long time. I did want to let you know that I’ve actually had some trouble accessing the platform. Do you have any idea who I should contact for help with this? Thank you again. I really hope to see you soon!” Example B: “Hi- Who should I contact for password help? Thanks! Enjoying the experience and the work!” The second example quickly outlines the sender’s needs. Their straightforward phrasing also better expresses their genuine appreciation because it’s easier to see what they’re saying. Taking too long to get to the point is confusing and frankly, you lose the reader’s attention after a while. Be genuine but also direct and succinct. Here are a few tried and true tips for eliminating wordiness: 1. Qualifying words such as “really”, “very,” and “definitely” are distracting. If a situation needs more emphasis, then find a better word. If you are “really happy,” maybe you are “thrilled.” If you are “very concerned,” perhaps you are “worried.” 2. It takes more words to be vague. Asking for the item “somewhat quickly” sounds clunky and offers no answers. If you need your colleague to step on it, advise them to expedite or fast-track. Better yet, tell them you need it by Friday at noon. 3. Lean on key nouns and action verbs to cut down on unnecessary words. Notice how trimming Example A made the purpose of Sue’s spreadsheet much clearer. Example A: “Sue made a spreadsheet in an attempt to keep us organized.” Example B: “Sue’s spreadsheet will keep us organized.” 4. Keep prepositions under control. Prepositions are those little words that show the relationship between a noun or pronoun and some other word or element in the rest of the sentence. These words (with, into, up, of, for, about, because of, during, concerning…) should be attached to an object. While it is important to say things precisely, too many prepositions can cause a reader’s eyes to glaze. See how eliminating at least six unnecessary prepositions transformed Example A from a weighty overbearing sentence to a powerful point (Example B): Example A: “An understanding of what the organizational mission is about will be necessary for any employee working with the team who wishes to move up in this division.” Example B: “Team members looking for advancement will need to understand the mission.” Avoid the passive voice Passive writing, though hard to identify, can quickly weaken your message. The sentence subject should be the person or thing taking action rather than an action happening to the subject. One trick is to reduce the distance between the subject and the verb: Example A: “The brief was filed by Mark on Tuesday.” Example B: “Mark filed the brief on Tuesday.” In example B, Mark is one word closer to the brief. You won’t always be able to avoid passive phrasing, but overdoing it makes for dull reading. Check your writing to make sure most of your sentences are active. Cut diminishing words from your vocabulary There are certain words and phrases we should limit because they dilute our meaning and diminish the importance of our needs: Just Hopefully Actually Kind of Consider how those words can come across as nervous and undeserving, “I just wanted to check in.” No way. You needed to check in. Not just. “I am checking in because the staff meeting is tomorrow.” Or even, “Hopefully you saw my note.” If they have not responded to you, stronger language will urge them to prioritize: “Did you see my note?” Similarly, you aren’t “actually writing because” you are “writing because.” Also cut sentence openers such as “I feel…”, “I think…”, and “I believe…” Be convincing with your words and put your salient points out in front. Not “I feel we are on target for our goal,” but instead “we are on target for our goal.”
0 Driving the Mentoring Relationship
I will never forget my first meeting with my first formal mentor. To set the scene, I was new in my career, new to my organization, and new to participating in a formal mentoring program. Painfully aware of my overall lack of experience, I arrived at the meeting expecting my mentor to tell me what to do. I sat across from him, notepad open, pen poised, ready to write down all the wise things I was sure he would say. So, imagine my surprise when it turned out that he had not prepared a lecture or even a list of things we should discuss. Furthermore, he had no intention of doling out wisdom or the secrets to success. Instead, he wanted me to do the talking. He wanted me to tell him what I needed to work on, what I intended to get out of our partnership, and how I envisioned achieving my goals. I was dumbfounded. I was the wide-eyed new mentee, and he was the seasoned expert—shouldn’t he be taking charge? My initial naivete about mentoring roles is all too common among new mentees, who often come to the partnership with either a conscious or subconscious expectation that their more experienced mentor will take the reins and drive the relationship. To dispel this misconception of the mentor’s role, we need to look no further than the definition of a mentor: A mentor is defined as an experienced and trusted adviser. Mentors use their expertise and knowledge to advise and support—not to direct, decide, or do. If a mentor is directing outcomes, they inadvertently defeat the purpose of mentoring, which is to help mentees learn to lead themselves. Thus, for effective mentoring to take place, the onus for driving the relationship must remain with the mentee, with the mentor seated firmly in a supportive role. Here are some things mentees can do (or mentors can encourage them to do) to take initiative and responsibility for building and maintaining mentoring momentum. Define goals and expectations. Chances are, if a person signs up for a formal mentoring program, they have at least some idea of what they hope to gain from it. Mentees should commit time to reflecting not only on specific objectives they would like to achieve, but also their reasons for those objectives and how they hope the mentor will be able to help. This introspection will enable mentees to clearly articulate their goals and expectations and prepare them for larger conversations with their mentor about their partnership and the Mentoring Action Plan. Initiate meetings and discussions. A mentoring pair’s first meeting should include a discussion of how much time they would like to commit to the partnership and how often they would like to meet. Once these parameters are established, the mentee is responsible for initiating meetings and discussions. This could be as simple as sending a recurring calendar invite or creating a calendar reminder to reach out after certain events or milestones. Another best practice is to end each meeting by answering the question, “When should we meet again?” Come prepared. Mentees who make the most of their mentoring experience will come to meetings with clear goals (“Today, I would like to accomplish…”), a list of topics or questions to discuss, and their own ideas or solutions for which to seek feedback from their mentor. They won’t show up unprepared expecting their mentor to do the work for them or tell them what to do, but rather will take the initiative to identify their own thoughts and ideas and arrive ready to ask for feedback, advice, and new perspectives to help them decide their next steps. Take initiative. Mentees sometimes comment that they wish their mentor would reach out more often or suggest more learning activities. However, these mentees may not have communicated their expectations to their mentor nor taken any action to resolve the issue for themselves. Have they increased their own outreach or researched and suggested additional learning activities to their mentor? The most successful mentees are those who take initiative rather than waiting for someone else to intuit what they would like or make it happen for them. Follow through. Mentees can drive the relationship forward and keep the partnership on track with one simple behavior: following through. By doing what they say they will do when they say they will do it, mentees demonstrate that they are serious about their goals and value their mentor’s time.
Virtual working has turned many of us into unwitting stars of the 10” screen. And while the pandemic zeitgeist is that humanity, young and old, has evolved into sophisticated technology users, there are still some glitches. We have all learned to stay calm when we get kicked out of a meeting and mined our homes for the most compelling and tidy corners to use as Zoom backdrops. We even remember to mute our microphones. But the truth is, for many of us, collaborating through a screen still doesn’t feel natural. At The Training Connection, we’ve been developing new resources to provide mentees with strategies for driving their partnerships from a distance and engaging with their partners virtually. We tend to emphasize attributes such as being prepared, articulating goals, and following up as a means not only for maintaining progress but also avoiding awkward conversations. In this month’s newsletter, we are going to zero in on listening. Listening, as in the art of conversation When communicating through a screen, it can be hard to find the right rhythm between speaking and processing what others are saying. Part of the reason is that nonverbal clues are limited, for both parties. It’s harder to see if the other person is stifling a yawn or fidgeting (“Is this story boring to them?”). Sometimes we can’t get over our own image (“Is that really what my neck looks like?”) or maybe there’s person out of view asking a question (“Mom, can I have a snack?”). There’s at once a lot more going on and, as a result, a lot less in terms of conversational give and take. Psychology Today urges us to lean into listening in order to be heard ourselves. In a recent article, they explained, “in order to know what to say in response, we must know what has been said to us.” Since virtual meetings don’t afford us the same opportunities and cues as in-person meetings, we need to work really hard to simply hear what’s being said. Listening and being present makes us happy Here’s the thing. When unfocused and spacing out, we aren’t only dissatisfied with what we get out of the conversation, we’re downright unhappy. Harvard psychologists Matthew A. Killingsworth and Daniel T. Gilbert developed an app to study the “wandering mind.” They contacted 2,250 volunteers at random times throughout the day to find out what they were doing, what they were thinking while doing it, and whether they were happy. They learned that we spend 47% of our waking hours thinking about something other than what we are doing at that moment. According to Killingsworth and Gilbert, we are happiest when we are doing things like exercising or having a conversation- because those activities require us to stay focused on what we are doing. Put your active listening on display People who work in sales are trained to listen more than they talk. They understand that you can’t sell someone something they don’t want. A good salesperson will listen to their customer- a lot- to better understand their context and needs before recommending a product. Being a good listener makes it more likely that they will close the deal. Not to mention, people who are good listeners tend to be perceived as more sincere. Here are some ways to actively listen: Physical signs of listening Sit still, face forward, camera on. Look at the speaker (not at yourself). Take notes. Nod or smile when something they’ve said resonates. Show that you’ve received the message Ask questions periodically, which reinforces your learning and assures the speaker of your attention. Summarize what they’ve said (“so what you mean is…”). Hold judgement, don’t be defensive, avoid sharing opinions or personal anecdotes. Listen to them instead of planning what you’ll say next. Save a great idea until the end. Exude the spirit of a listener Be curious (“That’s fascinating. How did you become interested in this topic?”). Look for commonalities between you and the speaker (“I can’t believe you’re a runner too!”). Stay out of the chat. When people are presenting, don’t participate in the sidebar, stay in the main conversation. Set a good example and encourage others to speak Organizing your words ahead of the meeting so that you can speak in a calm manner with a clear message will help align the talk with the natural pauses. Preparing also ensures that you don’t overwhelm with too many details- which sets the stage for others to run on with their words instead of saying productive things. Send out the agenda in advance and consider starting with something that will encourage others to volunteer or speak up. Maybe even an ice breaker. Sometimes, if you are talking to someone who isn’t a good listener, you can lead them into better behavior by setting an example for how to do it. Save it One reason to stay quiet and listen instead is that it keeps you from using all your best material at once. Comedian Jerry Seinfeld once revealed that he believes his edge in joke-writing comes from his habit of writing things down and saving them for the right time. Don’t reveal too much. If you have a great story you want to tell, but it doesn’t fit the conversation perfectly, maybe save it for a time that it does. Also, your stories have the most impact when they’re fresh, not told over and over. If you aren’t always speaking, when you do speak- people listen.
There’s power in a pause. A pause can come in many different forms – the pause for summer or holiday break, the pause of a good night’s sleep – even the visual “pause” of the white space a graphic artist might use as a design element. But interestingly enough, one of the most powerful pauses can come in the form of a simple pause in a conversation. All excellent listeners are masters of the pause. They are comfortable with silences. When the other person finishes speaking, they take a breath and relax before saying anything. They know that the pause is a key part of good communications. Pausing before speaking or responding has many benefits, including: 1. Avoiding the risk of interrupting the speaker if he or she has just stopped to gather his or her thoughts. One of the pillars of good communication is building trust - and active listening does just that. When pausing for a moment before responding in a conversation, the speaker will often continue speaking. He or she will be sharing additional information and insight which greatly improves the chances that your response will speak directly to the points the speaker is trying to convey. 2. Showing you are giving careful consideration to what the speaker has just said. By carefully considering the other person’s words, you are paying him or her a compliment by giving them the gift of attention and contemplation. You are implicitly saying that you consider what he or she has said to be important and worthy of quiet reflection. You can often give the speaker a feeling of value with your silence, raising their self-esteem and confidence in the process. 3. Giving you, the listener, time to actually hear, absorb and understand the speaker more fully. The more time you take to reflect upon what has just been said, the more conscious you will be of their real meaning. You will be more alert to how the speaker’s words connect with other things you know about them, increasing your ability to craft your response with a more holistic approach that takes into consideration many factors. And pausing isn’t just useful for listeners, it can be a powerful tool for a speaker as well: 1. The easiest way to pause effectively is to use the moment of silence to take a deep breath. A deep breath sends oxygen to the brain, which can help a speaker to be more functional and alert, think more clearly and even reset the timbre and tone of voice. A deep breath can also calm nerves – which tend to result in speakers talking too quickly and breathlessly, which becomes a vicious cycle. A pause for a deep breath can break this cycle. 2. Pausing increases credibility. A pause suggests a speaker is thinking about what they are about to share. It requires a tremendous level of confidence to purposely pause during a presentation, as there is enormous pressure to talk continuously when in front of a group. Inserting periodic pauses when communicating with others, or when presenting to a group, will convey a level of composure, poise and confidence – it’s also an effective tool for grabbing or refocusing attention. 3. A pause can substitute for those “filler” words – the "you know," "um," "ah," "like," "so," "whatever" – words that add no value and, when repeatedly uttered, will distract your listeners. The secret to eliminating filler words is to use a pause instead. This sounds simple, but it's not always easy and will likely take practice and diligence. But the results will be well worth the investment.
